That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
