I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
