We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
its liver damage thursday
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
