My room smells like vodka and shame
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize