just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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