Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize