he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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