You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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