He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
