I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
