No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
