Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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