I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
