Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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