hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
