Do you still have your period?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize