every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
