When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
