with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
