Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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