Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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