You're my little dorito
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
