thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
