Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
vagina is talking i cant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
