2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
