4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
