She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sorry about my life...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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