just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
