Fuck appropriateness.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
