I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
