Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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