I think im going to throw up on grandma
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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