I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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