I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
