I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
