Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
