peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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