about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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