Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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