i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
