You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
