never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
