do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
