you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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