Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
