Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize