she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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