i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
