Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
