I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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