Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
