wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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