hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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