I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
