I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
