I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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