btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
