he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
