Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
