you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
