Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
where are my eyebrows?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize