There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
