I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
